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It’s been almost a year since we all bunkered down for the first time in response to the COVID-19 outbreak. For most of those months, I’ve been sitting patiently, dreaming about being around people again. Going to clubs, meeting people at parties, and dating again all sounded like music to my ears a few weeks ago. But ever since I moved back the city from my COVID-induced hiatus, my social anxiety has been ever-growing.

A year ago I got used to telling people that my anxiety had, for the most part, subsided. In 2019 I spent a month without a…


Edit made with cover from Del Rey’s album, “Normon F*cking Rockwell”

I, like many internet-bred teenagers of the 2010s, had a pretty thick Lana Del Rey phase. Right along with Marina (and The Diamonds), Lorde, and Arctic Monkeys — a lot of my personality was made from the kind of music that you’d find swimming in almost every Tumblr user’s “xxsadnessxx” playlist on 8track. It was mourning a wasted youth that you were currently living, wishing you could be experiencing life instead of lingering in the magazine-cutout-coated walls of your childhood bedroom.

While all of the artists that I listened to as a teenager were melancholic, Lana Del Rey was specifically…


Alarm rings out — six AM. My hand fumbles on the side table for the remote. Channel 45, VH1. “Somebody That I Used To Know”, followed by Kodaline’s “All I Want”. I cry while watching the music video, ruining my eyeliner. I’m almost late for the bus.

Pool part at my friend’s house. My feet are in. I haven’t felt confident enough to show my body in about two years. I stare, longingly, at my school bully. When I get home, he’ll send me a much-craved “glad you got home safe” text and I’ll feel obligated to send him a…


During this quarantine, Netflix has added a lot of new movies. Out of boredom and curiousity, I of course had to check them out. And, while on my journey through all the biggest movies available, I realized something.

There’s a big difference between movies and film.

The last relationship I will ever have with a man was with this guy named Scott. We connected over our love of standup, Seinfeld and movies. But things got a little complicated when we started sharing our favorites and I realized that he leaned more film than movie.

See, I grew up in a…


I’ve been seeing a lot of memes recently about COVID-19. Well, we all have. It’s everywhere, viral even online. But, specifically, I saw a meme that said something like “how sad is it that my life hasn’t changed at all since I started self-isolating”. A joke for introverts, I’m sure. But it felt true to me in this deeply uncomfortable way.

Before this whole thing started (at least in the U.S.), I was in New York coming down from my last dose of Lexapro — aka the antidepressant that had been stabilizing me for the first two months of the…


Image from Netflix Original, Marianne. Edited by Zoey Hickman

In this time of isolation, we’re all finding ourselves streaming more. Netflix is happily updating it’s library right on schedule as we beg for the next big show. While we can all hope to see something as riveting as Tiger King come to our screens once again, I think American streamers have been missing out.

In my infinite obsession with TV, I ended up dipping my toe in the waters of international Netflix originals. I tried to watch a few, but failed to follow along to most because, to be honest, it was hard to multi-task when I had to…


There’s something about being an adult that makes you want to be nostalgic for childhood. I know that the older I’ve gotten, the more that I’ve thought about it. But every time I consider it, I fall into the same rut. I don’t have much to be nostalgic about.

For a long time, thinking of my childhood made me sick. This isn’t because I had some horrific trauma (though some trauma definitely exists). It was because I was simply a very melancholy child.

The first time that I remember experiencing depression was at four years old, looking out of the…


I think everyone who is a fan of Chucky today remembers their first encounter with Child’s Play very clearly. Growing up in the 90s or 00s, the Good Guy doll was a symbol of fear for children everywhere. One of my earliest memories of fear included sneaking shakily past the lineup of VHS tapes lining the top shelf of my much more worldly cousin’s room.

As I walked past, I tried to keep my eyes away from the little face of Chucky the doll, looming down at me. With each step, the next tape revealed a darker, more disturbing iteration…


Sitting in the subway station, I let myself rest for a moment. This was my third night sleeping in the station and I knew that it probably wouldn’t be the last. There’s nothing particularly wrong with the 5th Ave station. It’s quiet. Well, as quiet as a train station can be. And it isn’t the dirtiest of the stations in Manhattan. I dozed, watching the rats scatter across the floors with each passing train.

This is my life, I thought. I’d said many times leading up to this moment that I would rather be homeless in New York City than…


When the press released the first photo of Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker, I felt nothing but excitement. I had been waiting for this film my entire life. I must admit that a few of the early reviews made me nervous. Some of them remarked at how cynical the film came off as. Some found Joker to be somewhat horror-esque. After seeing the film, I can agree with this sentiment, though not from their perspective.

If Joker is a horror film, the Joker was the protagonist, not the antagonist. If anything, this character was written to be a vigilante. …

Zo Fitz

zofitz.com

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